03 ♥ text / spam

[synchronous]

[ text ]

Everything appears normal to me. Nobody's sprouted an extra head or started talking in tongues, right?


[ spam ]

[ Dirk may be somewhat of a hikikomori most of the time, but he can't stay in his room 24/7. This afternoon he just sort of casually pokes his head into the cybernetic maintenance facility, curious about what exactly is in here.

He can also be found walking through the halls on his way there, on his way back to his room, and later on in the dining hall, for anyone who may want to bother him and/or take advantage of the fact that he is totally affected by this flood. ]

Comments

[synchronous]

Yeah, well, Jake got a little side-tracked.

So, what, you got your hands on him? How'd that happen? And what "curse", exactly?

[fearmonger]

[ Bleh, direct questions. He's annoyed that Dirk's doing what he can to get better footing. ]

I got my hands on him, yeah. I lived on. Like. Some boring, sandy version of Earth. With a lot of ugly statues. So I think. He stayed at the bottom of the ocean. When you dropped him, I mean. And we dug him up later. In my session, I mean.

The curse is obvious. It's the promised destruction of that particular universe.

[ That's his interpretation, anyways. ]

[synchronous]

[ Well, at least the C-Man is okay. It sounds like. ]

You're using my best friend in the entire world for your genocidal bullshit? I don't think so.

[fearmonger]

[ Haa haa haa. Dumb laughter activate. ]

Hell yes I am. And. For the record? He's MY best friend now.

That lil Cal. Soooo fickle. Always jumping. To the newest best thing. Thankfully. He's found the BEST PERSON. In all of existence. You can't go higher. Without stepping off the edge.

He makes me feel so gay.

[synchronous]

He--

[ Dirk opens his mouth and lifts a finger up to say something, but that last remark catches him super off-guard. He closes his mouth again. ]

Man, whatever.

[ And he starts down the stairs again. Now to just make sure Caliborn can't fuck him over any further. ]

How old are you, what's your favorite color, have you ever caught e. coli from all that nasty uncooked meat, and what's your favorite childhood memory?

[fearmonger]

[ Oh my god. What's wrong with a little gayness with a puppet, Dirk. He can't even get that out before the barrage of questions. ]

I'm seventeen. My favorite color is RED. My natural fucking diet is raw meat. And my favorite childhood memory. Is making my sister lose her shit over chess.

[ He clears his throat. ]

What's weird about my relationship. With the floppy, velvety plush man.

[synchronous]

"Gay" is just not how I want to hear that described.

[ WALKING FASTER. ]

How'd that chess game go? Give me a move-by-move breakdown.

[fearmonger]

[ He completely DOES NOT GET IT. ]

Ugh. Is there some double meaning there?? I was told it meant. Like. Jolly ole time. That kind of shit.

[ Yes he's not dropping that. Stepping in front and backstepping again. ]

I got her to agree to switched king and queen positions. BUT. I put on some crowns to my pieces. Disguising the queen as a king. And the king as a queen. So I wasn't breaking a single rule. But she was.

It was great. She LOST IT when it turned out. That her checkmate. Was bogus bullshit. And she was a fucking cheater.

[synchronous]

Yes, there's a double meaning.

[ Dirk squints. ]

Uh, sorry, bro, but sounds to me like you're the one who was cheating.

[fearmonger]

What's the double meaning you dunderfuck.

[ Caliborn glares. ]

I didn't pull a single illegal move bro. Nothing I did. Directly fucking contradicted the rules of chess. I moved the pieces the way they were supposed to be moved. In actuality. Instead of clever disguise reality.

[synchronous]

Look, I don't know anything about chess, but you deceived her when she was just trying to do something nice for you. You're clearly in the wrong here.

[ He reaches his door and puts a hand on the doorknob. ]

And "gay" is an outdated human romance term referring to same-gender attraction. The "jolly" meaning was deprecated even before Jane and Jake were-- [ Oh. ] Jake told you that, didn't he.

[fearmonger]

It's still not cheating. No matter how underhanded. Or dastardly it was.

[ DIVING FOR DIRK'S WRIST TO YANK IT OFF THE DOORKNOB ]

There's a WORD for that??

-- And yes. He did.

[synchronous]

[ JERKING HIS HAND AWAY. ]

Yeah, I know, right?

Anyway, we're done here. I already didn't want to hang out with you, but that goes double during this flood, got it?

[fearmonger]

[ Omg. ]

Wow. Fuck you. I hope you cry alone in your room. In all your lame bullshit facade. Crumbled around your feet. Like breadcrumbs. That lead to NOWHERE. And you're alone FOREVER.

[ Because Caliborn is ALL KINDS of mature, he reaches out and gives Dirk a hard shove before stomping off in the direction they'd come. He left a perfectly good steak back there. ]

[synchronous]

[ That was quite possibly the least productive use of Dirk's time ever.

He huffs as he shuts himself in his room. Time to break out the headphones. ]