03 ♥ text / spam

[synchronous]

[ text ]

Everything appears normal to me. Nobody's sprouted an extra head or started talking in tongues, right?


[ spam ]

[ Dirk may be somewhat of a hikikomori most of the time, but he can't stay in his room 24/7. This afternoon he just sort of casually pokes his head into the cybernetic maintenance facility, curious about what exactly is in here.

He can also be found walking through the halls on his way there, on his way back to his room, and later on in the dining hall, for anyone who may want to bother him and/or take advantage of the fact that he is totally affected by this flood. ]

Comments

[fearmonger]

[ He fumes in silence, trying to process what he's saying. ]

OK, fine. Be a coward. And avoid saying things. I can nearly admire. Your frustrating bad use of loopholes. But only NEARLY.

[synchronous]

[ Dirk stops, about halfway toward the door, and turns back toward Caliborn. ]

How about we just leave it at this and don't fuck each other over any more, bro. Cal.

[fearmonger]

[ Caliborn honestly does think about it for a second. ]

... No fucking way. What are you specifically hiding.

[synchronous]

Everything.

But hey, enough about me. How's your session work, anyway, what with your sister being dead and all?

[fearmonger]

[ Eurgh. Well, that's not a terrible question at least. Even if he wishes he could keep it a secret for the purpose of villainous infodump. ]

It's called a "dead session". Which is funny. Like ironic funny. Because it came from my sister being dead.

You have to do a ton of boring bullshit. To unlock your denizen. You get to make The Choice. Which is basically. Be awesome. Or be a sissy baby and die. So obviously I decided to go full conquest. So. I got to knock planets into a black hole. In a specific order. Unlocking minions all the way. And. After that. I get to fight my denizen. In my actual Land. And then. I get a boon. Of immortality and also infinite power. Sweet deal, right. Even if it's hard. Which it was, b.t.w. It'd be sooo worth it.

I was on my way to fucking DO that. Before I got here. I killed myself on my quest bed. And EVERYTHING. But. Nope. No godtier.

Do you have any actually interesting questions to ask.

[synchronous]

Yeah, yeah, just let me think for a second.

[ He rubs his chin thoughtfully. ]

Why did you hate her so much?

[fearmonger]

[ FUCK

There's absolutely no way to save this. ]

Because she took too much control away from me.

You mother fucker.

[synchronous]

God forbid you don't get to do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want to. [ Eyeroll. ]

[fearmonger]

[ UGHHHH. There's no way he can back out right now either without looking like the coward. ]

It's not that simple. It was like. Layered. And complex. A human could never get it??? So fuck you. And your annoying assumptions.

And. No. That's not an invitation to ask more questions.

[synchronous]

I'll rein my curiosity in if you can do the same.

[fearmonger]

[ He totally has to get back at him now tho. ]

Fine. But here. Take another question. For the rodeo.

What's the one thing you regret most.

[synchronous]

[ He facepalms. ]

Making the AR.

[ OFF HE GOES. He's heading back for his room, where he's going to grab a nice sturdy pair of headphones. ]

[fearmonger]

[ Ok things are back in place. ]

I agree. The false. Red colored you blows. BUT. Why?

[ Caliborn follows after, as much as walking backwards in front of him is following. ]

[synchronous]

Because I have to put up with his shit and get a taste of what it's like for everyone else to interact with me, okay?!

What did you mean when you said Calliope took too much control from you?

[fearmonger]

[ He starts to laugh but then promptly stops when he asks The Question. Caliborn is very mad. ]

We used to share a body. I'd go to sleep. And she'd take over. That was the main thing. But. She was also "smarter". And would constantly flaunt it.

... The other you is insufferable. You're also. Kind of insufferable. But in a wayyyy more palatable way?? Than the red bullshit glass and plastic motherfucker.

[ Dirk became much more lame over time as a natural occurrence of Caliborn getting cooler people to talk to. But there's only one way to see if Dirk really is bottom rung pretend awesome. ]

Do you hate yourself.

[synchronous]

[ Well that explains some things. Before Dirk can say anything about it, though, Caliborn pops the question. Dirk slams his fist against the wall and answers through gritted teeth. ]

I hate myself even more than I hate these bullshit questions you won't quit asking.

How's it feel knowing everyone liked your sister better than you?

[fearmonger]

I don't care. Is the thing? You guys knew. Literally. Nothing about her. How we grew up. What we even were. How long did you think. That we were trolls? Up right until the end. Of her worthless life, right? And only because she broke the god damn rules. Making her a fucking cheater on top of it all.

I know her through and through. And you guys. Just. Never did. And never can, now that she's gone. Just. Like. A mirage.

[ He grins, wide and purely malicious. ]

How do you feel. With your bullshit cool face. Just. Utterly dismantled. To reveal the unironic. Bullshit interior below. By the one guy. Who goes on. Almost definitely. To whack you and your friends. All out of existence?

[synchronous]

Yeah, pretty much.

[ Dirk picks his pace up. He barrels down a flight of stairs. His room's not far! ]

Feels pretty shitty. I really don't think you're gonna do that last thing, though.

[fearmonger]

[ Caliborn is in step with Dirk the entire way. ]

I'm going to.

Who do you even think was responsible. For your godtiering? That troll empress who brutalized your planet. Directly killed that bro of yours. That you're sooo fond of. And Lalonde's mom too. Who do you think was giving her orders? Me. My future self. I have all the dominoes lined up. And. I'm going to tip them over. At the perfect moment.

I also figured out a few tricks. Using your floppy juju man.

If you don't believe me. Ask it straight up. In a way. Where I can't even bluff.

[synchronous]

[ Dirk frowns; Caliborn brags a lot, but it doesn't feel like he's lying here.

He stops walking, almost missing a step but catching himself on the handrail. ]

The fuck? I thought you hated Lil Cal.

[fearmonger]

[ Smug as can be, Caliborn answers promptly. ]

I did. But that was stupid.

The stuff I thought back then. Wasn't wrong, though. It was empty. And it was going to unleash a fucking curse on any universe it entered. But the thing is. That's also because of me.

[ He doesn't hide how fucking giddy he sounds. Not a lick. ]

The best part. About being a Time player. Is that. You kind of get this shit instinctively! You're a dude of Heart. You should get the idea. Of Lil Cal. Being a literal vessel for my soul? If I phrase it that way.

I can't believe Jake didn't tell you ANY of this. He had plenty of time. And I told him exactly. Clearly. What was going to happen.

[synchronous]

Yeah, well, Jake got a little side-tracked.

So, what, you got your hands on him? How'd that happen? And what "curse", exactly?

[fearmonger]

[ Bleh, direct questions. He's annoyed that Dirk's doing what he can to get better footing. ]

I got my hands on him, yeah. I lived on. Like. Some boring, sandy version of Earth. With a lot of ugly statues. So I think. He stayed at the bottom of the ocean. When you dropped him, I mean. And we dug him up later. In my session, I mean.

The curse is obvious. It's the promised destruction of that particular universe.

[ That's his interpretation, anyways. ]

[synchronous]

[ Well, at least the C-Man is okay. It sounds like. ]

You're using my best friend in the entire world for your genocidal bullshit? I don't think so.

[fearmonger]

[ Haa haa haa. Dumb laughter activate. ]

Hell yes I am. And. For the record? He's MY best friend now.

That lil Cal. Soooo fickle. Always jumping. To the newest best thing. Thankfully. He's found the BEST PERSON. In all of existence. You can't go higher. Without stepping off the edge.

He makes me feel so gay.