03 ♥ text / spam

[synchronous]

[ text ]

Everything appears normal to me. Nobody's sprouted an extra head or started talking in tongues, right?


[ spam ]

[ Dirk may be somewhat of a hikikomori most of the time, but he can't stay in his room 24/7. This afternoon he just sort of casually pokes his head into the cybernetic maintenance facility, curious about what exactly is in here.

He can also be found walking through the halls on his way there, on his way back to his room, and later on in the dining hall, for anyone who may want to bother him and/or take advantage of the fact that he is totally affected by this flood. ]

Comments

[synchronous]

Because it's funny, that's why.

You should be more careful about what kind of signals you're sending. It's easy to get the wrong idea.

[fearmonger]

Fuck you. It's not funny at all.

Go sit down. And wait for me. To get a hunk of raw meat. You sack of shit. Don't try to get away either. I'm watching you.

[synchronous]

Yeah, yeah.

[ Dirk does sit down. He has the upper hand here, so why not? What could possibly go wrong.

He waits for Caliborn to return, then, ] You know, I don't think I ever caught your name.

[fearmonger]

[ He has to get it done special because who even eats raw meat besides him, and settles down across from Dirk. ]

You didn't.

[ Not gonna give it up that easy. He grabs his fork and angrily drags the entire cut of meat up. Knives are for losers, so he just takes a bite and sets it back down. ]

[synchronous]

[ He takes a bite of steak, properly using his knife to cut it into pieces first. ]

So what is it?

[fearmonger]

[ Oh god damn it. ]

Caliborn. That's my name.

If you could human marry any of your friends. Which one. And why. Spare NO detail.

Which makes me wonder. How do you feel. About the trickster brilliance marriage pact.

Also. While I'm at it. Tell me ALL about. Your mushy bullshit feelings. In relation to the English numbskull.

[synchronous]

[ Wow this was so not worth it. Dirk facepalms. ]

I wouldn't marry any of 'em, because I totally fucked everything up with the only one of them I'm even remotely interested in.

The trickster bullshit was a goddamn nightmare. I've been trying to forget about it.

[ Since Caliborn conveniently neglected to phase that last one as a question... ]

I'll just cut to the chase, no beating around the bush. What question do you least want to be forced to answer?

[fearmonger]

[ It takes him a second to come up with an answer for that. ]

Anything about me and my sister's game. That's like. Fucking blasphemous to talk about. Even now.

BUT WAIT. Wait. Dirk.

[ Now he's going to rapidfire questions so Dirk doesn't have the chance to actually ask him. ]

You didn't answer my question. How do you feel about English. In your mushy rotten pumpkin way??

How do you feel about Lalonde.

How do you feel about Crocker.

How do you feel about my sister.

What about. Uh. Your dead bro. Yeah. Him too. How do you feel about your bro.

Also. How did you fuck up.

[synchronous]

[ NO NO FUCK NO

Dirk buries his face in his hands and mumbles something about how he still likes Jake even though he was a total asshole.

Then he decides that that isn't good enough, so he takes a big old bite out of his steak as he segues into how Roxy is such a great person who deserves so much more than Dirk is able to give her. He's pretty incomprehensible. ]

[fearmonger]

[ Caliborn yanks the plate away and stows it into his sylladex. Fuck that. ]

I'll ask again.

How do you feel about English. How do you feel about Lalonde. Speak CLEARLY for the class. You little shit.

[synchronous]

Oh, but I'm not done yet. I still have to tell you that I think Jane's a hella rad person, and I enjoyed talking to your sister a lot more than you. Even if she wasn't as good a source of entertainment.

My bro was the baddest dude to ever live, I don't know why you're even asking that. You should already know the answer. [ Thankfully, the compulsion seems satisfied with that. ]

[ And then Dirk gets to his feet and heads for the door. ]

[fearmonger]

[ Wow nope. Caliborn is up in an instant, following after. ]

And the other two.

[synchronous]

ジェークのことなら今でもなんとか愛しちゃうぞ。 かってなやつのくせにな。

[ He looks disgusted with himself for saying it, even if he doesn't think Caliborn will understand. ]

[fearmonger]

[ He has no idea what the fuck just came out of Dirk's mouth. ]

I... what. Why are you speaking weird not-words? Fuck you. You will not continue to use the strange mouth sounds. And you will say it. Clearly. In a way I can understand.

[synchronous]

Sorry, dude, that's not part of the flood.

[ His Japanese is pretty damn basic, but he uses it to go on about how much he loves Roxy and wishes he could give her what she wants, because she deserves it. He doesn't actually know all the words he wants to use, so he includes a few English loan words pronounced in as heavy an accent as he can manage. ]

[fearmonger]

[ He fumes in silence, trying to process what he's saying. ]

OK, fine. Be a coward. And avoid saying things. I can nearly admire. Your frustrating bad use of loopholes. But only NEARLY.

[synchronous]

[ Dirk stops, about halfway toward the door, and turns back toward Caliborn. ]

How about we just leave it at this and don't fuck each other over any more, bro. Cal.

[fearmonger]

[ Caliborn honestly does think about it for a second. ]

... No fucking way. What are you specifically hiding.

[synchronous]

Everything.

But hey, enough about me. How's your session work, anyway, what with your sister being dead and all?

[fearmonger]

[ Eurgh. Well, that's not a terrible question at least. Even if he wishes he could keep it a secret for the purpose of villainous infodump. ]

It's called a "dead session". Which is funny. Like ironic funny. Because it came from my sister being dead.

You have to do a ton of boring bullshit. To unlock your denizen. You get to make The Choice. Which is basically. Be awesome. Or be a sissy baby and die. So obviously I decided to go full conquest. So. I got to knock planets into a black hole. In a specific order. Unlocking minions all the way. And. After that. I get to fight my denizen. In my actual Land. And then. I get a boon. Of immortality and also infinite power. Sweet deal, right. Even if it's hard. Which it was, b.t.w. It'd be sooo worth it.

I was on my way to fucking DO that. Before I got here. I killed myself on my quest bed. And EVERYTHING. But. Nope. No godtier.

Do you have any actually interesting questions to ask.

[synchronous]

Yeah, yeah, just let me think for a second.

[ He rubs his chin thoughtfully. ]

Why did you hate her so much?

[fearmonger]

[ FUCK

There's absolutely no way to save this. ]

Because she took too much control away from me.

You mother fucker.

[synchronous]

God forbid you don't get to do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want to. [ Eyeroll. ]

[fearmonger]

[ UGHHHH. There's no way he can back out right now either without looking like the coward. ]

It's not that simple. It was like. Layered. And complex. A human could never get it??? So fuck you. And your annoying assumptions.

And. No. That's not an invitation to ask more questions.

[synchronous]

I'll rein my curiosity in if you can do the same.