03 ♥ text / spam

[synchronous]

[ text ]

Everything appears normal to me. Nobody's sprouted an extra head or started talking in tongues, right?


[ spam ]

[ Dirk may be somewhat of a hikikomori most of the time, but he can't stay in his room 24/7. This afternoon he just sort of casually pokes his head into the cybernetic maintenance facility, curious about what exactly is in here.

He can also be found walking through the halls on his way there, on his way back to his room, and later on in the dining hall, for anyone who may want to bother him and/or take advantage of the fact that he is totally affected by this flood. ]

Comments

[fearmonger]

[ It only manages to make him stumble a little, but that is also more than enough to get him mad. ]

Oh my god. Don't do that. You'll damage your own creation. Come on. I am going to drag you there. And there is NOTHING you can do about it.

[ He digs his claws in, renewing his attempts to drag him along by the upper arm with BRAND NEW PURPOSE. ]

[synchronous]

[ God Dirk wishes he had his flashstepping.

He sighs and follows Caliborn into the dining hall, but loudly munches on his fruit as he does so. He'll work on an escape plan as he bides his time. ]

[fearmonger]

[ God damn that fruit smacking is nasty. Plant matter in general is disgusting.

Caliborn otherwise giddily leads him along into the dining hall, absently tucking Dirk's arm under his. It's honestly to just keep a better grip on him; Caliborn doesn't realize that it's a fucking bizarre thing to do.

He does eventually pause though, looking over the food. ]

You eat your meat cooked. Right. Or do you want to live a little. And get something NOT cooked. Which is objectively. The best way to eat meat.

[synchronous]

At the moment? I'm sincerely considering a conversion to vegetarianism.

[ Dirk raises an eyebrow as he considers the positioning of their arms. ]

Gettin' pretty tender here, bro.

[fearmonger]

[ Caliborn takes it in the context of what they're actually discussing. ]

Vegetables. Icky nasty projectile vomiting?? How can you fucks. Sustain yourself off of that green leafy bullshit.

Tender?? I guess. Though. That's one advantage of cooked meat. You can make it tenderer. Than normal. Through applying heat.

[ He grabs a plate and just hands it off to Dirk. Enjoy your fancy ass Salisbury steak. ]

[synchronous]

[ He'd actually be pretty okay with the steak; the food is, like, the one good part about being stuck here. But it's the principle of the thing. ]

Not that. This. You. [ He takes Caliborn's hand in his and squeezes. ]

[fearmonger]

[ What. -- Oh.

Caliborn immediately drops everything, stepping back from Dirk with violent suddenness. That is so many levels of fucking obscene. He wipes his hands off on his shirt. ]

Oh my god. Why the fuck. I was just. Trying to keep you from running away??? Why are you intent. On reading meaning into stuff. That isn't even there.

[synchronous]

Because it's funny, that's why.

You should be more careful about what kind of signals you're sending. It's easy to get the wrong idea.

[fearmonger]

Fuck you. It's not funny at all.

Go sit down. And wait for me. To get a hunk of raw meat. You sack of shit. Don't try to get away either. I'm watching you.

[synchronous]

Yeah, yeah.

[ Dirk does sit down. He has the upper hand here, so why not? What could possibly go wrong.

He waits for Caliborn to return, then, ] You know, I don't think I ever caught your name.

[fearmonger]

[ He has to get it done special because who even eats raw meat besides him, and settles down across from Dirk. ]

You didn't.

[ Not gonna give it up that easy. He grabs his fork and angrily drags the entire cut of meat up. Knives are for losers, so he just takes a bite and sets it back down. ]

[synchronous]

[ He takes a bite of steak, properly using his knife to cut it into pieces first. ]

So what is it?

[fearmonger]

[ Oh god damn it. ]

Caliborn. That's my name.

If you could human marry any of your friends. Which one. And why. Spare NO detail.

Which makes me wonder. How do you feel. About the trickster brilliance marriage pact.

Also. While I'm at it. Tell me ALL about. Your mushy bullshit feelings. In relation to the English numbskull.

[synchronous]

[ Wow this was so not worth it. Dirk facepalms. ]

I wouldn't marry any of 'em, because I totally fucked everything up with the only one of them I'm even remotely interested in.

The trickster bullshit was a goddamn nightmare. I've been trying to forget about it.

[ Since Caliborn conveniently neglected to phase that last one as a question... ]

I'll just cut to the chase, no beating around the bush. What question do you least want to be forced to answer?

[fearmonger]

[ It takes him a second to come up with an answer for that. ]

Anything about me and my sister's game. That's like. Fucking blasphemous to talk about. Even now.

BUT WAIT. Wait. Dirk.

[ Now he's going to rapidfire questions so Dirk doesn't have the chance to actually ask him. ]

You didn't answer my question. How do you feel about English. In your mushy rotten pumpkin way??

How do you feel about Lalonde.

How do you feel about Crocker.

How do you feel about my sister.

What about. Uh. Your dead bro. Yeah. Him too. How do you feel about your bro.

Also. How did you fuck up.

[synchronous]

[ NO NO FUCK NO

Dirk buries his face in his hands and mumbles something about how he still likes Jake even though he was a total asshole.

Then he decides that that isn't good enough, so he takes a big old bite out of his steak as he segues into how Roxy is such a great person who deserves so much more than Dirk is able to give her. He's pretty incomprehensible. ]

[fearmonger]

[ Caliborn yanks the plate away and stows it into his sylladex. Fuck that. ]

I'll ask again.

How do you feel about English. How do you feel about Lalonde. Speak CLEARLY for the class. You little shit.

[synchronous]

Oh, but I'm not done yet. I still have to tell you that I think Jane's a hella rad person, and I enjoyed talking to your sister a lot more than you. Even if she wasn't as good a source of entertainment.

My bro was the baddest dude to ever live, I don't know why you're even asking that. You should already know the answer. [ Thankfully, the compulsion seems satisfied with that. ]

[ And then Dirk gets to his feet and heads for the door. ]

[fearmonger]

[ Wow nope. Caliborn is up in an instant, following after. ]

And the other two.

[synchronous]

ジェークのことなら今でもなんとか愛しちゃうぞ。 かってなやつのくせにな。

[ He looks disgusted with himself for saying it, even if he doesn't think Caliborn will understand. ]

[fearmonger]

[ He has no idea what the fuck just came out of Dirk's mouth. ]

I... what. Why are you speaking weird not-words? Fuck you. You will not continue to use the strange mouth sounds. And you will say it. Clearly. In a way I can understand.

[synchronous]

Sorry, dude, that's not part of the flood.

[ His Japanese is pretty damn basic, but he uses it to go on about how much he loves Roxy and wishes he could give her what she wants, because she deserves it. He doesn't actually know all the words he wants to use, so he includes a few English loan words pronounced in as heavy an accent as he can manage. ]

[fearmonger]

[ He fumes in silence, trying to process what he's saying. ]

OK, fine. Be a coward. And avoid saying things. I can nearly admire. Your frustrating bad use of loopholes. But only NEARLY.

[synchronous]

[ Dirk stops, about halfway toward the door, and turns back toward Caliborn. ]

How about we just leave it at this and don't fuck each other over any more, bro. Cal.

[fearmonger]

[ Caliborn honestly does think about it for a second. ]

... No fucking way. What are you specifically hiding.